Shan Kae

‘Sideshow Pretty’ paints a vivid and layered picture of a relationship. Can you unpack the story behind it?

Sure! It’s a picture of both my own experiences in a specific relationship as well as general interactions growing up. Looking back on when I was young and pretty and the times I've questioned motives, agendas and my own self-worth. I see it reflected in young women I know today as they question their own self-worth and take things personally.

I have a broader perspective now and can see how that happened to me, and even with this knowledge, I still battle the conditioned thoughts around having to live up to certain beauty standards.

My personal experience was a relationship that left me in complete tatters, a place where I had to start a journey of self-discovery and self-love to find my way back out of. This is one of the concepts and lessons that I’m happy to have had, although the lessons didn’t come easily.

You’ve spoken about a powerful conversation with your son influencing the track. How did that shape the writing?

I had started writing the song directly about my own experience and had only written the first verse. I got stuck on that for a week or two. Whilst travelling up in Darwin, my 15-year-old started a conversation with myself and my best friend about what it’s like for women growing up in regards to beauty standards, commercialism and societal expectations.

The conversation went on for around two hours. I was very proud that he was so curious and cared so much about it. Later that evening I went home and finished the song as the much broader meaning came to light, and it wrote itself.

There’s a strong sense of reclaiming power in the song. Was that intentional from the start, or did it emerge as you wrote?

This was one of those times where it emerged as it went. It almost wrote itself at that point. I didn’t pre-plan that, but once the concept came to mind I had it written in about ten minutes, maybe less.

I was so excited about it because it was that moment of realisation of what the entire message really was.

How does ‘Sideshow Pretty’ fit into your broader journey as an artist and songwriter?

I am in a place where I have reinvented myself out of a terrible, dark time, as we do. While I was down there I found my voice and now I want to use it.

If a topic comes up that I feel passionate about, I generally get inspired to write a new song and try to capture the feeling. I spent many years silenced, afraid to speak up, afraid to take up space.

I am reclaiming myself and my voice through this song and others. This extends out into my entire life too. I've made a choice to be honest and authentic with myself at all times and I have never before been so… well… me.

Your upbringing in the Clarence Valley and your 90s influences seem important. How do they shape your sound and storytelling?

It’s so important to me because I was moved up to the Northern Rivers in 1992 when I was nine years old and, to this day, it’s the best thing that ever happened. We moved from Sydney to a small beach village called Wooli.

This is where I got my first guitar and ran around the streets, beach and river with the other kids all day, every day. Even at that young age I had a massive sense of gratitude that I remember clearly. Those times are a place I go back to whenever I need to remember who I am.

It is part of my identity and I carry those times at the forefront of my heart and soul. I keep it alive in who I am and what I give back to the world.

I had five amazing years there before my mum had a terrible accident which left her with brain damage and we were left to sort it out ourselves. She was a single mum and I am an only child. No one really knew what happened and there wasn’t much help then in a place like that. I grew up fast.

Even so, my mum gifted me with the happiest, warmest and safest upbringing which, to this day, is again part of who I am and what I choose to give back to the world.

I have other songs released, one in particular called Barefoot Walks, which describes my time in Wooli in the 90s. Back when we stayed out until the streetlights came on and walked around barefoot, when no one needed to lock their doors.

What was the experience like bringing this track to life in the studio with Greg Schubert?

Greg is a long-time friend, teacher and mentor of mine here in the Northern Rivers.

I woke up one morning early and I could hear my song being played with a big band sound, horns, saxophone and all. I could literally hear it as I woke up.

I texted Greg at first light and excitedly asked if he’d be willing to help bring my vision to life and he immediately replied yes, saying he’d be happy to be the "midwife" for Sideshow Pretty.

It’s the first time I have recorded with him and we had so much fun. Greg is very precise, has an incredible ear and is a musical genius in my opinion, and in the opinion of many other local musicians around the area.

I learnt a lot about how to get a really good result in the studio regarding sound quality. I’ll continue to work with Greg at The Space Shed.