Jazzy Gold

'FUCK I MISS MY MUM' is incredibly personal, but it also feels universally relatable. When you were writing it, how did you navigate the balance between telling your own story and creating something that others could see themselves in?

I didn’t really try to balance the two while I was writing it. I think the second you start trying to make something relatable, you risk watering down the thing that made it honest in the first place. I was just writing exactly where I was at, moving away, trying to convince myself I was fine and slowly realising I really wasn’t.

The funny thing is, the more specific and personal I made it, the more people seemed to see themselves in it. Their version of the song might not be about missing their mum at all. It could be about grief, growing up, leaving home or missing the person who makes everything feel safe. I gave people my story, but I never wanted to tell them what theirs had to be. I think that’s why it connects so deeply. Everyone hears a slightly different version of it.

You describe leaving your hometown as something you knew you had to do, even though it meant leaving behind the person who had always supported you. Can you talk about that emotional contradiction of missing someone deeply while knowing you could never return to the life you left behind?

I think the hardest part is knowing that missing someone does not always mean you are meant to go back. Staying in my hometown was bringing out the worst in me, and I knew I had to leave if I wanted to become a healthier version of myself and actually reach my potential. But leaving also made me realise just how much I had relied on my mum emotionally. She had always been my safety net, and suddenly I was trying to build a life without having that comfort right beside me.

Leaving was never a rejection of her. It was choosing myself and the life I knew I needed, even though it meant creating distance from the person I depended on most. Strangely, I also think it has been one of the best things to happen to our relationship and to her life. Seeing what life could look like outside our hometown, and watching her own daughter go out and create that for herself, helped her see new possibilities too. It has encouraged her to make some huge, life changing decisions of her own.

I do not regret leaving, but I still grieve what it cost. Sometimes I wish I could go home to my mum without having to return to the version of myself that place brought out. Knowing I made the right decision, and that it has helped both of us grow, does not make me miss her any less.

One of the most striking things about the song is that it never blames anyone. Instead, it captures that confusing space between grief, hope and independence. Was that emotional nuance something you consciously worked towards while writing?

It was not something I consciously worked towards. I think that nuance came naturally because there was never really anyone to blame. My mum had grown up there and never known anything different, whereas I always felt like I was meant to take a completely different path. Neither of us was wrong. We just needed different things from life.

I was grieving the safety and closeness I had with her while also feeling hopeful about everything that leaving could allow me to become. At the same time, I was learning how to exist independently and realising just how much I had relied on her emotionally. All of those feelings were happening at once, so I never wanted to simplify them or turn anyone into the villain.

I think that is the heart of the song. Sometimes loving someone does not mean choosing the same life as them, and choosing your own path can still come with a huge amount of grief. Growth and heartbreak can exist at the exact same time.

You wrote this during a period where you were broke, lonely and questioning whether chasing music had been the right decision. Looking back now, what kept you moving forward when it would have been easier to give up?

Honestly, probably a mixture of delusion, stubbornness and knowing that giving up would have hurt more than continuing. There were definitely moments where I questioned everything. I was broke, lonely and watching other people live much more stable lives while I was throwing everything at music with no guarantee it would ever work.

But even at my lowest, I could never picture myself being happy if I walked away from it. Music has always been the thing that makes me feel the most like myself, so giving up would not have solved the problem. It would have just meant abandoning the reason I had taken the risk in the first place.

The small moments kept me going too. Someone connecting deeply with a song, hearing people sing my lyrics back or having one opportunity finally come through after a hundred rejections reminded me that I was building something real, even when it felt painfully slow. Looking back, I think I kept moving because some part of me always knew I had not come that far just to become another person who was too scared to find out what could have happened.

WTF is WRONG with ME is a brilliantly self-aware title for an EP. What connects these songs beyond their sound, and what do they reveal about where you are in your life right now?

The songs are connected because together they tell the story of how I became the person I am now. They explore trauma, family, self sabotage, leaving home, growing up and the patterns I had to recognise before I could begin changing them. Sonically they all live in slightly different worlds, but emotionally they come back to the same question: what the fuck is wrong with me, and where did all of this come from?

The title is funny and dramatic, but it is also painfully sincere. It captures that stage of becoming self aware enough to see your own behaviour clearly, while still trying to understand and forgive the past versions of yourself that created it. Writing these songs helped me stop looking at those versions of me with shame and start seeing them as people who were simply doing whatever they could to survive.

Releasing this EP feels like taking a massive weight off my shoulders. These experiences will always be part of my backstory, but they do not get to define me or weigh me down anymore. I am not pretending I have everything figured out, but I understand myself in a way I never did before. This project feels like closing a chapter, making peace with what happened and realising that from here, I am only going to keep growing.

If your mum heard this song for the very first time without any context, what do you think she'd say to you, and what would you hope she understands about the person you've become since leaving home?

She would probably cry and say, "I thought this was supposed to be a happy song." That is very much our relationship. We use humour to deal with emotional things, so she would probably make a joke first and then ask why I had not told her how much I was struggling.

I would hope she understands that leaving home was never about leaving her behind. It was something I had to do to grow, become healthier and reach my potential. In so many ways, I was only brave enough to leave because of the strength and support she had given me my whole life.

The song is sad, but it is also a massive love letter to her. I miss her because she was my safety, and leaving made me realise just how much I had relied on her emotionally. I would want her to hear that I did not grow away from her. I grew because of her, and I carry everything she gave me into the person I am becoming.